Bharat's Guest Blog..And the truth about meetings

After much nagging, the amazing bharat has been so kind as to send us this very interesting insight about the socio-cultural and economic implications of a corporate phenomena. Or basically talked about hair removal.


Meetings.
Meetings are a time for a company to regroup and take stock of the situation etc. etc. Or so we are led to believe. Unknown to most bachelors and women, the real reason behind meetings is simple - it is a device fashioned by our forefathers when they found they could not have time for peace and quiet after marriage.

Women have always had a place to go for peace and quiet - the beauty parlour. The tone with which the announcement is made: "I'm going to the parlour", is enough to shake even the bravest man to his knees. It was long rumoured that some means of unspeakable torture was practiced within those walls. Several men tried to invade this bastion, but each attempt ended in the same, ghastly fate: shaving! These poor souls were shaved alive! (It is rumoured that women practice shaving and other, even ghastlier means of torure within the walls of a parlour. They say that it is a form of torture unimaginable to man. Unfortunately, the survivors of the above attempts were left in no mental state to talk after seeing these tortures attempted before their very eyes. Curiously, all the survivors shunned shorts in favour of trousers till the day they died.)

It is a little known fact that Rodin's famous carving "The Gates of hell" actually represents the entrance to a beauty parlour. The statue of the "Thinker" is nothing but a man engaged in thought as to what tortures await him when he decides to walk through those dreaded gates.
Now one begins to understand the true import of the inscription on the gate - "Abandon hope, all ye who enter here!"

After several such abortive attempts at trying to invade this bastion, a few brave souls decided to have a conference to decide what to do regarding the hapless situation they found themselves in after the priest pronounced them and their wives -"roommates for life" (or, as some of you may know it - marriage). Uninterrupted (for it was customary to have councils of war) for days, they tried to brainstorm and come up with an idea. After a week, some bright spark realized that the very fact they had been undisturbed for that long might be something. (This delay may have been prompted due to the lack of hair dryers, but that we shall never know for sure). The idea survives to this day. Think about it. What is accomplished at meetings? Exactly! But how long do they go on for? There you have it - the simple, elegant beauty of the truth!

This astonishing revelation however, does not come easy. It has been refined to such an art form, that it takes a few minutes of uninterrupted "meditation" during a meeting to see the light. For, when one comes out of the "meditation", one finds that others around them have not.

Happily, the noble institution founded by our forefathers has been a roaring success. Today, the words, "Honey, I'm sorry, but I'm in a meeting" still continue to save many a man from mortal peril. Whenever the word is passed around the office - "He's called a meeting at 6:30 p.m. - sharp!", the blessed meeting caller comes a little closer to attaining salvation by virtue of the benediction he receives from his fellow man. (Of course, this is well disguised under the moans and groans that accompany such an announcement ). Predictably, this has prompted many a man to try and call meetings for the heck of it. Fortunately, to avoid overkill, certain rites of passage have been established before one can attain the right to call a meeting. Yes, you've probably guessed it by now, and are feeling rather foolish for not having recognized it when it has been staring you in the face all these years. The key is simple - Excel. You've known for ages that all it actually takes to become a manager is the Art of Knowing Excel, and the right to call meetings. Now you know that knowing this art is what gives one this inalienable right.

You may think that this bastion is under threat today, and this has prompted several men to restart attempts at invading the parlour in recent times. However, after several famously ill-fated attempts (notably, David Beckham and, not so notably - Yash Birla), there are fewer and fewer willing to try. Debate still rages on whether this is a good thing.

The Attack of the Clone(ing Scientists)

I know..its too late in the day to discuss cloning, cos every one who has anything to say about it has said it. But, I just read this article a few days ago about increasing the interactions between aam junta and khaas scientists!

And I guess, these interactions must really really increase with the scientists involved in human cloning. Because it seems to me, that they are convinced that one of the key problems that humanity faces is that there are apparently just too few of us.

I am sure some bored scientist, looked around his lab, which must've looked empty to him, and he thought "Chal yaar, lets try and figure out how to make this place look more crowded!", and if the scientist was really as smart as we are made to beleive then who would know that music and free booze is the most effective way to make any place crowded.

From what I gather, cloning is basically a technology that allows us to have offsprings without the conventional means of reproduction, which is ironical, cos aam junta is trying to figure out ways of achieving just the opposite. Some one needs to go and tell these scientists, " Bhaiyya, aapne galat turn le liya, ap agle signal pe u-turn maar lijiye"

Or to better assess the possible commercial demand of cloning, lets try this simple exercise. Think of (A). Number of People in your life currently that you would want two of? (B). Number of people in your life that you cant even put up with one of? and (C). Number of people in your life that you would want none of?

I am guessing C would be leading the list.

Would cloning help us achieve that? I think not.

And for the small number of cases as response to (A),lets reconsider. Could two Mithun's posisble accompolish anything that one Mithun can not ?, Would the Total of double chins in two Bappi's be something that one Bappi can not achieve? Or as an Engineer would put it, is twice of infinity any less than infinity? I see the number of entries in A drop already.

What we really need is a scientist to help is solve the problem mentioned in (C). Any volunteers?